You and Me in Sweet Paris
by Baby Darth Dalloway
Summary: Companion piece to You Deserve the Best Too, but from Alison's perspective! Her thoughts as season 5 progresses looking at her love for Emily. I guess you can call it Emison, but it's very Ali-centric and moreso hopeful about her possible Emison future a long time from now. I would read my other story first so it makes sense! Read and definitely review if you're able!


You and Me in Sweet Paris

You and me in sweet Paris. That really would have been the life, wouldn't it have Em? If only I hadn't let things get so out of control, if maybe I reared myself in instead of going all out on every person around me. I should have been more tempered, should have used my powers of manipulation more wisely rather than abuse the power I had been blessed with, perhaps cursed with. It could have been a nice life, a beautiful life, laying in the sun and drinking French wine with you. I wish I was so easily entertained and I could live the simple life, maybe then trouble wouldn't have found me so easily. I wish I could have made that dream happen for us, but sadly, we can't go back.

I've had a lot of time to think while on the run and in my self-imposed solitude. There are so many people I'm indebted to, so much karma coming my way in backlash. But I have to say, out of all of the people I hurt Em, no one deserved it less than you.

Hanna was right up there with you… the things I did to her, the way I blackmailed Spencer, the Jenna thing… I seem to have a pile of horrible actions spread over my resume of life. But out of all them, I never toyed with their hearts, not like I did yours.

You were such a mystery to me for so long. There you were, this sweet and beautiful girl. Spencer was a Hastings, and so visible she was practically see-through. The same went for Hanna's overwhelming insecurity and Aria's carefree, artsy-inclined spirit. You on the other hand were an enigma. I could not for the life of me figure out what your secret was.

You were beautiful, an amazing swimmer, had a boyfriend, and were friends with all of us. You were the epitome of kindness, grace and success… but I knew there was something, something down deep, something I could not find yet. I found it eventually though. I find everyone's darkest secrets.

I may not have caught it if it weren't for that night on Halloween. If I hadn't been so obsessively attentive to Jenna and her infuriating disobedience to my way of things, I may never have caught you. Watching Jenna in the middle of that dance floor, I wanted to throw a chair at her. She started smirking and looking over, and that's when I caught you staring back, completely entranced, returning a questioning look and hoping she was looking at you the same. After learning about Jenna's bisexuality and fun times with Shana, looking back, I'm sure she wanted you then too. Maybe that's the stirring I felt inside. I was angry enough with her for going against me, and now she was taking my friend? Not okay… not ever.

When I asked about tasting her cherry chap stick and you nervously responded, you made complete sense to me in that moment. Of course you were gay and uncaring about Ben's ridiculous sex rumors, anything to take the heat off of your possible lesbianism. Once I knew your real secret, it changed everything for me when I thought of you. It was the cruelest way to torment a person, but as the saying goes, all is fair in love and war.

I never realized how possessive I was, but when Paige told me the other day I better not treat any of you like dolls any longer, I realized further that's how I saw all of you. With you specifically, it was more intense, not so much a doll but rather a trophy or prize that was reserved for me and me only. I kept making comments towards you, snide jabs, and going as far to let you kiss me… I think deep down I was envious of you Em. There you were, so beautiful and just kind, so full of love. You always saw the best in me, and in some of the moments we shared alone, I wanted to be the person I saw reflecting back at me in your eyes. I wanted to be the better version of me.

Still, I liked playing my games and keeping everyone in my grasp. I couldn't let you go either though. I wanted your love to stay with me most of all. Maybe if Paige had picked any other girl to start crushing on, I wouldn't have been so vicious towards her. I don't do well with people fighting back. Look at Jenna. And so, when I caught Paige watching you that day, in similar fashion to the way I caught you staring, I knew I was going to destroy her. Pigskin was born.

The trick with the letter was ingenious, but I realize cruel. It was brilliant though, deceiving her and keeping you oblivious the entire time. You two had swimming in common, and maybe deep down she was someone you could be with. I think I knew that she would be good for you, even with all of her mommy/daddy anger bullshit, she seemed to adore you in the same way you adored me, and I hated her for it. So it goes.

I ruined her with that letter. Maybe Paige should come in close second for who I most was cruel to. I twisted her heart just like yours, but at least it ended. The impact I had on you seemed to last long after I was gone, a seed I planted deep down in your heart that spread this fear within you. I never thought it would twist you and hurt you to the extent that it did. I just wanted you for myself, to be mine, even if I couldn't be yours so fully and completely in return. I've never been very fair.

I wasn't lying about Paris when we chatted, and when I asked Shana to reach out to you, I kept thinking back to that day. I really did miss you the most, and seeing you was such a relief. It was nice to look into your eyes after two years and still see your love shining through. You never stopped caring about me. Your heart is the biggest one I've ever seen.

I wish I hadn't kicked it around so much and made it small, and then after thinking I was dead, and then dealing with Maya's death and A's ability to break up you and that other blonde, I worried about you. I regretted hurting you the most. When Cece updated me and found out you were seeing Paige more permanently after all of the chaos, I was less than pleased. How on earth did Pigskin finally get to you? The one person I tormented so severely, you had to go and fall in love with? How would I ever come back to you? I didn't know.

I was so glad you defended helping me and broke up with Paige for her betrayal. I get her not giving a shit about me. I certainly wouldn't have helped her if the roles were reversed. I noticed you change though in those first few weeks I was back. You weren't you, not at all. That happy and hopeful girl who looked at me with brightest of dreams? That girl was nowhere to be found. All I saw in your eyes was sorrow and longing. You all have been to hell and back. I never thought A would have come after all of you like the bitch has. You lost your love for Paige and you saw me in the flesh again, and I couldn't find that good version of me in your eyes any longer. It took quite some time, much longer than it should have, but you lost your hope in me and your hope in your dream for us. I don't blame you at all. If anything, you should have given up a lot sooner.

I was pretty upset when you started ignoring me, but you were still so supportive even when you couldn't face Paige or I. You held my hand when we were all sitting together and listening to even more bad news, and again I indulged myself in you. I should have stopped, but truthfully Emily, I want to love you. I think a part of me does love you, but how can someone who is as cruel as me deserve someone as beautiful as you? It can never work. We're like oil and water. We never could have been together then...

But maybe now Emily. Maybe I can make amends, maybe I can undo what I've done. I wish I didn't have to keep being this mastermind, keep fighting these battles and playing these games, but Mona's built an army against me and A wants me in a grave I can't dig out of. I can't be whole-hearted and good right now, not in the midst of all of this.

I was out for a walk with the bright stars shining earlier tonight… I saw you walking and followed you, watched you sitting on that slide. I wanted to console you. I wanted to make everything up to you, to tell you how sorry I was and that I could fix the damage I did to you. I wanted to tell you how beautiful you are and explain I needed to bring you down so you would be foolish enough to think I was above you. Silly Emily, don't you realize you were the one above me? And now looking at you, I don't know where either of us stands. I've seen how you've abandoned Paige, and as much as I despise her, she loves you so deeply. She would do anything for the sake of the person she loves, and that at least makes her worthy of you in my eyes. Anyone else, like that girl Maya, I would never have tolerated, but Paige is like a shining knight for you. Hell, she even saved Spencer's ass. She deserves some credit, though not too much. I still hate her guts.

And speaking of the devil, she stumbled across you while you were crying your eyes out. Of course she would find you, and that we would all be here together. Watching her with you at least puts me at ease. Even though in our last chat she told me she couldn't wait for you anymore, I knew it was a lie. It wasn't a lie that I was the one who put those doubts in you though. All it takes is one thought, one seed of doubt, and as it grows and spreads over time, it can consume you. I never thought you would have grown so scared and fearful, but maybe deep down I did. The more fearful you grew, the more of you I would have to myself. I really am cruel and selfish, aren't I? I seem to ruin anyone I love.

I watched her kiss you and hold you. I watched her say all of the marvelous things you deserve to hear every day of your life. I followed you two in your walk and knew you were hers now. She was the one you truly loved, who deserved you, who treated you like the princess you are. I guess Pigskin won this battle, and maybe even this war.

I watched you two drive off and went back to the slide you were sitting on. I know you'll tell us all soon that you two are back together. I'm willing to bet you'll follow her to the west coast too once we're high school graduates. She's the one who won your heart and has treated it like the precious and delicate item it is. I hope she can soften the hardness that's been forced upon you. I'm sure she can. That's the other thing about Pigskin. She's utterly whipped and it's not something I think I could ever be for you darling. I'm not one for the bottom. I'm going to let it slide though. I'm giving up the reins and stopping this control over you. I'm finished as far as Paige is concerned, and if I pull any strings with you, they won't be ones of romance. I need to focus on A and everything else right now. That's where my mind needs to be.

I'm taking our dream of Paris Emily. I will pick up the torch and carry it for us now. I don't know what will happen tonight, tomorrow, one week or one year from now. But maybe, just maybe, I will grow and so will you and we'll come to each other once again. Maybe timing is everything and maybe we need to bury this romantic notion of us now so it can be something real later on down the line. Maybe I can love you the way you deserve to be loved then, and if that should happen, I hope you can see me with those bright and shining eyes again. Until who I am matches that girl you see, I have to let you go for good. Fortunately, you're in better hands than mine. Nothing short of that would have been acceptable.

I love you Emily. I really do. Paige better watch out, because if there is a future for us down the line, a real future, then I'll be fighting for it and you. You and me in sweet Paris… I hope for our dream to become our reality. Until then, my sweet Emily.

* * *

Hey Everyone! So, I wanted to write a companion piece to my story You Deserve Better Too, but from Ali's perspective. The writers for PLL are super tricky and wonderful and therefore I never know where they are going to take our favorite characters, however if I had to make a prediction about the Emily/Alison/Paige triangle, I'm willing to bet they are going to play up the Emison for most of Season 5A, and maybe even take it into 5B, but then they will end up creating a Paily reunion. It's just my opinion. I think it is really dependent on just how much Alison has changed over the last two years of her disappearance. There's a chance if she's truly remorseful and has made some serious changes concerning her manipulative tendencies and overall mean streak, then she could in actuality be a great fit for Emily. But again, it boils down to who Alison really is, and I don't think we know. I don't even think the liars really know! I've watched a bunch of interviews and such about Alison coming back, and I forget which writer said it, but they mentioned that Ali is not who we know because we have only seen her in these flashbacks which are from the views of other people, and of course memory is not always the most reliable source, especially when you have a strong view/ opinion on the subject (or person in this case) at hand. It will be really interesting to see who Alison turns out to be. Ultimately, I don't think she or Emily know one another at this point, and if a relationship were to form, it would be a complete do-over. Part of me is totally team Emison, but like I said, it completely depends on who Alison turns out to be as a person and if that person is compatible with Emily. I think she needs to be a very different person in many ways to work for the character of Emily… Anywho! Sorry for the long ending rant! I hope you liked this and sorry it's not more pro-Emison! It's meant to be alongside the Paily-ness. ^_^


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